Jackson Rant
The reading for today comes from the book of Jackson, from a very strange testament. and verily \Michael looked at the camera, and spoketh directly pitching his voice high said “I love children and my heart shares with a love that shares its bed”
The king of pop recently made media history by making such a statement on television and seemed to suggest that to share his bed with a child is as normal and caring as sharing your bus seat with a senior citizen. Unfortunately he made this statement forgetting to do the moon walk, and so without a dazzling dance display the audience could only focus on what the king of pop man said. Which was unfortunate for him. Michael would do well to learn the lesson of talking less and moon walking more. Also Unfortunate for him, television stations could not cut to any 30 million dollar, 39foot statue of himself being towed down a barge on the river thames. There was no distraction people…no white glove, no hair on fire, no daughter of elvis, no moonwalk, no statue.. He said it. he likes sleepovers… with boys. Word. On film. Categorical.
In retrospect it was maybe just as well Jackson failed his Hi 5 audition instead becoming a member of the little known Jackson 5 instead. that was very lucky for aussie boys and Ayers rock. Never land would have looked a bit funny in the aussie outback next toAyers rock. And imagine… you’d have ended up with lindy chamberlain screaming feverishly in the middle of the night with a wild flashlight howling ‘ a jacko’s got my 12 year old baby’. That would have been poor.
And, You’d think that if Michael was going to have kids over for a gunny time of childhood action then you’d think he’d roll out the pepsi cola, sing a bit of playstation singstar , moonwalk, play pin the nose on me and say watch me do the moon walk again. Now that would have been an ok to fair sleepover. Sadly though I cant really be sure; Honest dave never had a childhood due to my cruel stern father homeschooling me with a rigorous schedule of pre pubescent rant writing from the age of 4.
But that sounds like an ok sleep over ….but why, why did uncle michael have to come up with the ‘share the bed’ policy.
Did he put ‘thriller’ up on the plasma screen for a nice bed time video with hot milk AND ZOMBIES? Does he not remember that if he only left the lights on in the kids room then they wouldn’t have been scared of the ghosts and jumped from the matresses? Does he not know that all kids fears can be dealt to with a flick of a switch, with or without a moonwalk, and a 100 watt bulb??
I think Mr Jackson was stretching it a little to suggest the sharing of the bed is the kernal, the very moi, for the brotherhood of world peace. Not so. Mankind down this path is a sure walk through the bloodied graveyard of dead shared bed militants who couldn’t agree on choice of duvet cover AND pillow slips. Wot? Is there no plunket nurse in America??
And what about scabies. Scabies is not scratch and win. A shared bed makes a bed plague out of bed play. Dangling babies ok, but dangling tangling, scabies. No way. not good. No sirree
So Good night Michael. May your recording career now be mute so as to keep pure the delicious 80’s vinyl that remaineth.
And as for me and glen and george thorogood – we sleep alone..
You have been listening to honest dave’s morning rant on the generator.
The king of pop recently made media history by making such a statement on television and seemed to suggest that to share his bed with a child is as normal and caring as sharing your bus seat with a senior citizen. Unfortunately he made this statement forgetting to do the moon walk, and so without a dazzling dance display the audience could only focus on what the king of pop man said. Which was unfortunate for him. Michael would do well to learn the lesson of talking less and moon walking more. Also Unfortunate for him, television stations could not cut to any 30 million dollar, 39foot statue of himself being towed down a barge on the river thames. There was no distraction people…no white glove, no hair on fire, no daughter of elvis, no moonwalk, no statue.. He said it. he likes sleepovers… with boys. Word. On film. Categorical.
In retrospect it was maybe just as well Jackson failed his Hi 5 audition instead becoming a member of the little known Jackson 5 instead. that was very lucky for aussie boys and Ayers rock. Never land would have looked a bit funny in the aussie outback next toAyers rock. And imagine… you’d have ended up with lindy chamberlain screaming feverishly in the middle of the night with a wild flashlight howling ‘ a jacko’s got my 12 year old baby’. That would have been poor.
And, You’d think that if Michael was going to have kids over for a gunny time of childhood action then you’d think he’d roll out the pepsi cola, sing a bit of playstation singstar , moonwalk, play pin the nose on me and say watch me do the moon walk again. Now that would have been an ok to fair sleepover. Sadly though I cant really be sure; Honest dave never had a childhood due to my cruel stern father homeschooling me with a rigorous schedule of pre pubescent rant writing from the age of 4.
But that sounds like an ok sleep over ….but why, why did uncle michael have to come up with the ‘share the bed’ policy.
Did he put ‘thriller’ up on the plasma screen for a nice bed time video with hot milk AND ZOMBIES? Does he not remember that if he only left the lights on in the kids room then they wouldn’t have been scared of the ghosts and jumped from the matresses? Does he not know that all kids fears can be dealt to with a flick of a switch, with or without a moonwalk, and a 100 watt bulb??
I think Mr Jackson was stretching it a little to suggest the sharing of the bed is the kernal, the very moi, for the brotherhood of world peace. Not so. Mankind down this path is a sure walk through the bloodied graveyard of dead shared bed militants who couldn’t agree on choice of duvet cover AND pillow slips. Wot? Is there no plunket nurse in America??
And what about scabies. Scabies is not scratch and win. A shared bed makes a bed plague out of bed play. Dangling babies ok, but dangling tangling, scabies. No way. not good. No sirree
So Good night Michael. May your recording career now be mute so as to keep pure the delicious 80’s vinyl that remaineth.
And as for me and glen and george thorogood – we sleep alone..
You have been listening to honest dave’s morning rant on the generator.
posted by Honest Dave at 10:48 am
1 Comments:
Dave!!! loving the rants bro.
consider yourself linked.
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