Pania of the Reef

The season of christmas makes everything a little intense… and not having a chrisco hamper to unravel the tension, the season of festive
stress just continues. You can tell those citizens who have a chrisco
hamper sorted by courier don’t you?? they walk like ones who have a hamper up their khyber… all happy and laxadazy bubbly and ready to bust out the christmas mince pies without having to battle at pak and save on christmas eve… they just walk differently…

Oh to be hampered and pampered by chrisco – christmas just highlights the have nots and the have s, and the hampered and the unhampered. I am unhampered.

Not having a chrisco hamper coming to your doorstep can make you do abnormal things. A man from napier, unhampered and desperate said to himself if I can’t have my christmas mince pies and leg of ham I’ll take the next best thing… which of course was pania of the reef. Nothing like a bit of reef fishing but this girl is the kingi of the brass icon world… pania of the reef. Topless. Brass. Exotic. Stationary. What more could a young single bloke with no christmas chrisco hamper ask for. Well unfortunately, and the judge who gave the lad a year behind bars agreed
with me, he should have asked first. And not just taken pania, or at least he should have put a little money aside each week like good chrisco people do…

Some people have complained about the severity of the punishment. But the judge maintained it was fair because it was taken without asking, and pania is a city icon to napierites, and therefore an especially painful loss to all the city’s citizens – especially those not receiving a christmas chrisco hamper.

So if you get a year for stealing pania of the reef, a mythological figure, yes, albeit a topless mythological figure, but still only a mythological figure. A story about a girl and a reef.

Riff raff, of rocky horror fame, also brass, also a city’s icon – what would you get for stealing that – an icon of immeasurable recognition world wide, of immovable cult status, a celluloid screen sensation, a fishnetted statue of transsexual titillations, so fairy it doesn’t need fairy lights, more mince than a christmas mince pie, even at christmas .

yes listeners, honestly, even as we speak, young riff-raffian ruffians of bryce st and beyond are practicing their criminal motions…. Its’ just a boltcutter to the left, and a crowbar to the right….

But what would you get for hauling off hamiltons rocky horror icon. My guess is you’d get the clap and be locked up for 2 years, maybe 18 months with good behaviour. Riff raff is Hamilton tourism triumph.. Most aucklanders I know of are planning a round trip through hamiltron to their coromandel destinations in order to pay their riffspect to the big riffster…

Im just surprised really….i don’t want to be the next dave dobbyn inciting civil disobedience , but I would have I thought another tortured un chrisco hampered young person of no fixed payments put aside all year would have hacked the sheep down north end Victoria st for sure. That would have been a class addition to any nativity scene.

And so this is christmas. We remember the christmas story. Mary was hampered in a way even chrisco could not imagine. Her hamper arrived as a boy, some call the messiah the saviour of the world. An angel gave her a good credit rating and god in his infinite wisdom fixed her up real good.
An immaculate conception, a problematic delivery…. christmas is really about surprises… the queens message on tv one, a pregnant jewish 14 year old misses out on a chrisco hamper but gives birth to a messiah. You never know your luck…

This has been honest dave’s christmas message.. to you and you and you on the generator. 89 fm…