DVDs and NZ Idol

Why would you pay for it??? Relax brothel goers… im not here to question the wisdom of your disposable income…. Im ranting right now about the epidemic of people purchasing DVD’s.

I can never work out why people buy dvd’s. people I know….and you’ve probably witnessed it too ….people actually buy DVD’s and take them home and make them line up on the shelf like show ponies or sit on top of each other like Iraqi prisoners. Displayed publically. People have ‘collections’ of DVD’s in their lounges...and they seem proud. I can not figure it and honest dave did well in school c maths.

D o these people not know that they can hire dvd’s from video stores ? Do they not know…..???? For my money I say there is probably 2 very crusty Japanese soldiers still bayoneting through the jungles of burma unawares of the emporer’s surrender shouting ‘torra torra’….and as I speak there probably is a very old Chinese person or a moa, or a black panther thing or a yeti still panning for gold in the hills around arrowtown unaware the gold rush has not really rushed lately………yet…… I sense reasonably that no one in our society with ears to hear and eyes to see could fail to notice see the signs . DVD’s at video stores. There should be no suprises there….. But just in case…because to assume would make a donkey out of Donald and you and me and an ass out of an asteroid….Soooooooooooooooooooo, once and for all….. let me broadcast an official bulletin to the world

THERE ARE DVD’S FOR HIRE AT ALL VIDEO STORES. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BUY THEM.

And what’s more…. At my local shop if you go on a Tuesday you can hire them for a week for the same money I get paid for doing this rant on the goodship the Generator.

I REPEAT. THIS IS AN OFFICIAL BULLETIN. DVD’S NOW FOR HIRE IN YOUR LOCAL VIDEO SHOPS, YOU CAN COME OUT NOW… YOU CAN HIRE THEM!

Film students aside….what is the appeal of having carton loads of DVD’s legally enshrined in your name, where ownership is titled to you.?. Why are people queing up at public trust office to secure their DVD collections from family members they do not like?

Am I missing something ?… are dvd’s like yams in papa new guinea where the people go out, ‘wham bam thank you yam’ and put all their yams on shelves as chiefly status symbols. You cant eat dvd’s though……..

Are DVD’s the new investment seeing coastal property has gone soft? Will DVD investors like a good forest of radiata pine see 20% return after 20 years. Are these people stockpiling ‘dirty dancing’ DVD’s starring Patrick swayze thinking they’ll pay for their kids tertiary education in 2035….

Am I missing something? How romantic are these people?? Hey baby…. Lets watch steven siegal in ‘under siege’ again. You know it does it for us…. Oh yeah….

I REPEAT.people. DVD’s HAVE LANDED…..AND THEY ARE FOR RENT.!!!

I just don’t get it… a multiple viewing, like multiple sclerosis damages the central nervous system. You become a little defective.

How funny is adam sandler the 2nd time…???? Answer…..quite funny.

How funny is adam sandler the 4th time??

Answer...not that funny at all….

How funny is adam sandler if you actually paid full retail price and BOUGHT the DVD ??

Answer….. very not funny.

And the truth is when you start PURCHASING DVD’s it’s a slippery slope to consumer hell where you will look at a marantz plasma tv model PD505DS which sells for 12 thousand and 999 $ retail, that’s 250$ a week, and you wont even think that’s silly or think what would Jesus do??

However, I am near Capillian heights of hypocrisy and NZ IDOL is responsible…. The idol sequel returns!! Nz’s very own talent competition starring stars and moonbeams has strangely tempted me to break my vows and start my very own embarrassing collection of DVD’s…either that or putting up a 5$ prize pool for the kids to see who can find the remote first.

The judges on new Zealand idol last Sunday inflicted carnage on innocent wanabee idols that was unspeakable. Twit judge Paul Ellis was beyond reasonable clout when he asked one singer ‘who told you you could sing?’. The contestant said ‘my mother did’, and Paul said ‘she must be tone deaf’.

What bombs do to buses, judges are doing to fragile people on national television on Sunday nights. She wasn’t a great singer, but you could tell she genuinely believed it in her heart that the noise she made was beautiful to somebody. Ellis’ comments were appalling, cheap, nasty, unnecessary and makes me reach for my imaginary DVD collection and imaginary Marantz plasma screen and press play and if any of my relations end up under the judges knife on that program im gonna just plain shoot up the tv while wearing glasses and sideburns in a frenzied rage, and post pistol smoking i will relax in a lazyboy repeating the rewarding closure of sir Edmund hillary

I knocked the bugger off/I knocked the bugger off/

I knocked the bugger off / I knocked the bugger off.

I say if that’s family television then TVNZ should sponsor every house hold in new zealand with a free steven seigal DVD of their choice.

Forgive me ben lummis, but nz idol makes very feel very black on the sabbath. It’s tv programming for bully’s.

Go eat horse everyone…!!!

You’ve been listening to a very long rant on the generator.