biggish wednesday

Big Wednesday used to be about surfing if my recollection serves me collectly. Collect me if I’m wrong, but Big Wednesday, released 1978 about Californian dreaming is about big waves. Free big waves. Waves that swell from the very bosom of tangaroa without a price tag. Oceanic waves of mass construction forming a playground for every santa barbarian punk with fiberglass and fins up for it. Big Wednesday is folk lore amongst the wax fraternity. Some things must remain. like don brash and saddam’s bunker. Don’t mess with

So not only did NZ Lottery commission steal a zillion dollars from all punters country wide who thought they’d have a 16 millioneth chance, they ripped a classic legendary iconic name like big Wednesday from every grommet who would prefer to flutter board than flutter their soft earned drug cash on gambling.

Wednesday used to be quite big enough thank you nz lottery commission. i liked Wednesday when it was just Wednesday. If Wednesday becomes big, then how will Monday and Tuesday and Thursday and Friday and Saturday and Sunday spose to feel. major Performance anxiety I suspect. wednesday will surely become big bully boy Wednesday once it thinks it’s the shizzle in the middle. Yep… mark my honest words…… im betting heads…. and tails, that Wednesday will get so far up itself its going to be looking right at the dawn of Thursday telling it to sod off till lunch..

Yep, before you know it big bully boy Wednesday will be trying to pay out all the beneficiaries on a Wednesday, whispering slander to all the pregnant solo mothers saying its bigger than all of pregnant porirua put together… give it another 6 months, Wednesday will be giving Friday the proverbial pants down and showing it it’s big calendar date by inviting the general nz workforce to knock off for 4 oclock drinks mid week – on a Wednesday. Within a year we’ll be sitting down to watch super 14 on a Wednesday. Soprano’s will be straight after. Christmas will be on a wednesday, the 25th or not. Good Friday will now be Good Wednesday and Wednesday will walk like Audrey Hepburn, laugh like winstoned peters, and speak without grace about his mother like eminem. Big styles indeed.

I just think the nz lottery commission has no right to fruit around with the days of the week. Yes Hollywood can screw the most macho stereotype known to mankind, and clint eastwood, and fixate gay cowboys at the ‘im ok - your ok’ corral. But to put a prefix, a lame adjective like ‘big’ infront of Wednesday – that’s gone too far. We stick sir in front of peoples names so their given some status. Putting big in front of Wednesday only puts it in the big sale at the warehouse category. Not really something at all really. Why didn’t they just prostitute Wednesday fully and call it ‘big ups’ Wednesday and pimp it up and down fort street in fishnet stockings. Honestly.

Lets reserve ‘big’ for people who need to be called ‘big’ – like 72hr water boy big norm hewitts bro, and like big greedy amy from small town nz.

…oh yes, this week amy our big lucky loser steals 40$ of chicken from the local butcher. butcher watches the film and can’t identify the big girl. butcher gets a still photo and puts a sign in the window ‘lucky shopper wins prize’ . our big chicken stealer enters the shop to claim her prize, gives her big details and is referred to the local police department real slow cos you can't never lose a loser like that. That’s big.

So…congratulations to the lucky winner in thames trying to remain anonymous with a new Porsche and range rover in the carport…. Good onya…may you make poverty history. And May the nz lotteries commission learn that big isn’t always better and that Wednesday is happily Wed thank you very much indeed. K-noth.

You’ve been listening to another honest rant on the generator 89 fm

hamaster blaster - the new rule in the east

Sometimes strange things just happen. On Wednesday night, 6.05 pm approx I rammed a car from behind. This car was making a left turn, she was slowing and turning. …. I looked right to see also the road clear, and begin to follow her left turn.

Alas - I hit the brakes, but her vehicle looms stone cold – frigid, stationary, immovable. Not going anywhere. Stopped, stopped at an intersection… so I rammed her good. I bulldozed her like I was driving a bulldozer though i was only driving a diesel van which sometimes makes me feel big and muscular like van desiel. I rammed her good because she stopped. I got out feeling big and muscular and spitting tacks. She got out, She showed me the stop sign that happened to say stop… . I felt less van dieseil and gave her my details. She said her insurance company would get in touch with me…. Which probably won’t be to say that I’ve won a prize.

If I was a heart surgeon selling freaken truckloads of psuedo ephredrine in telfast boxes for 25, 000 dollars an hour I would probably see the funny side or at least the paranoid delusion but I use it only for medicinal purposes


As for the cops..they always go on and on about how 18 year olds always think there bullet proof behind a car. Well, my van was at least 18 years old right, and it was right behind the car and its not looking too bullet proof now. Bullet proof hilarious - A blue nissan sedan wasted it for goodness sake, officer honestly!

Sometimes you don’t know if your insured until you crash. sometimes you don’t know your pregnant until you have sex. Sometimes you don’t know you’re a vegaterian until you eat meat. Sometimes you don’t live until you die. Sometimes you have never heard the sound of one van crashing – until you crash.

When you crash, there’s that post coital moment of insured uncertainty - you’re not sure whether to think bugger with a little b or BUGGER spelt with a big B. ‘im pretty sure im not 3rd party and I’ll cry if I want too’ was the song I came to hum.

In a less important intersection in middle east politics, last week palestinians engaged in democracy –yes, democracy the golden egg of the bush administration, and voted up a terrorist organisation. Hamas, the ku klux klan of the east, now have the power of the people as well as plastic explosives. The US were not sure to think bugger with a little b or howl from the white house to tel aviv BUGGER with a capital B.

And Hamas showed signs of being really shy - they do not recognise israel. Which is pretty sad really considering their neighbours – but then I wouldn’t be able to recognise my neighbours – all I know is that their scottish, over 60 and they drive a black car. And can you recognise your neighbours? Obviuosly hamas and israel can get along.. they probably just need a diner for 6 or something, or oprah but here’s the honest dave middle east peace plan.… a road map if you will.

Palestine just needs to buy a dog, a white dog preferably, it will escape, as dogs do, and then you’ve got an excuse to go round the other guys place. Palestine will then be able to recognise israel all because of a nice dog called ‘jihad in the name of allah’,

I really do think world peace is attainable. Coca cola tried to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony and failed. but now we have the techonolgy it is attainable, the time is now. Sony playstation singstar is the answer. Where there is singstar there is love, joy and peace. Don’t make poverty history – make playstations more affordable.

You have been listening to an honest dave rant on the generator – 89 fm.