dirty diana and how not to curtsy...

good morning listeners...

Here’s a little ditty about dave (nat) and Dianne…. (lab)

david bennet and diane yates went up the hill
To fetch an electoral majority
dianne fell down and broke her ham east crown
And david came humbling after……….

I loved voting on Saturday. Though there were a couple of disappointments

1. I could’nt find where to vote for the exclusive brethren… must have been a printing error I guess. Some kind of typo.. After all the publicity the exclusive brethren got and then nobody could vote for them… strange…

2. I wish the voting could be more like the ware house where within thirty days you could take your vote back and say your not a satisfied customer and theyd give you another vote

I say this because I rang the electoral office and said its honest dave and I’d like my vote back thanks. and I have to say, people, that their customer service lacked a little … im not sure they know that the voter is always right…even when they voted wrong…

Anyways…..

The waikato times states that at 10.16pm dianne Yates made a speech to the party faithful that she was 5000 votes behind mr bennet and ‘reality told her that she was not going to make it…. ‘

Good to see Yates keeping it real there….. 5 thousand votes is a little humiliating but then whether you lose by 5 or 5 thousand you still lose. Anyway….

By 11 oclock yates and her team of losers turn up to bennets natonal head quarters. This means since 10.16 the labour camp have had 46 minutes to decide in which manner to concede Hamilton east… it’s not like she made any rash judgements, there is no pressure… The waikato times states she was drinking water and coffee…but it’s obvious she was pissed as hell.

So with 46 minutes to think about what does she do? Does she go the nelson mandela road, or the Winnie mandela road?

So first up… she tells a supporter that she is not going to lose gracefully… ‘there is too much at stake for ordinary new Zealanders…’ she says

Now honest dave is as ordinary as they come. Us Hamiltonians know what ordinary is like right! And it’s not as if david bennet is that disordinary…. He’s the brother of Gordon bennet for goodness sake..

I’m not sure that the demonized national policies of tax cuts, race relations and bulk funding is the stake upon which losing gracefully should be ignited and abandoned. Really Dianne…

Diannes decides ‘not to kiss him like she used to with tony steel’ she says. Im not soooooo sure Mr bennet was cut about that, just quietly….. but if she can drive around town with speakers mounted, full volume, prattling on about her ticks to innocent bystanders, and wear red for 6 years you’d think a peck on your opponents cheek isn’t that much of a step up…

anyways,

she walks into bennets head quarters and in form not seen since the Muldoon era…

1. tells david he showed a lack of compassion
2. tells david he was a millionaire and out of touch
3. tells david his supporters are monocultural
4. and then Robert somebody from labour starts crying about how tough the
campaign was and it doesn’t have to be this way…..……

like Christ, Mr bennet remained silent throughout the verbal stripping

then the waikato times says Dianne was hurt she wasn’t invited in for a drink. ( I think she probably was invited in but her ego and the door just did’nt fit..)

So it would appear that when Dianne loses she embraces the role wholesale and actually becomes a loser in its totality… kind of like Robert de niro as the prize fighter in ‘raging bull’. Dianne was so loserish she nearly became a new Zealand soccer player overnight. She was so ungraceful she makes transpower pylon look pretty…

Yates kept spitting the dummy so much on election night that people all over ham east have been paranoid about saliva related menningocall disease eversince

So david, on behalf of honest labour supporters everywhere… good on ya mate… the people spoke… well done… all the best…way to go blu

You’ve been listening to an unofficial apology from the labour party on the generator..

Hamilton music is sick and ill

Righto……

Imagine if there were young musicians who lived in Hamilton. Imagine their sister driving a datsun. They like the word ‘the’. They think oneday they might call themselves ‘the datsuns’. Imagine a ensemble of high school unsocialbles in the music room itching to play to the masses. No one has heard them or believe them.

They decide with a musketeer shout and hurrah that they will approach one of hamilton’s drinking establishments for the opportunity to play their muse to the world… or at least part of hood st. they don’t particularly want to be famous… just want to try out their riffs and spliffs outside the world of the school music room. They believe the time is right…. They have moved on from ‘april sun in cuba’ to their own thing…

So they go to a bar called daggers where they are cut. Cut to the core. Cut by the fact that a room out the back will cost them 200$ to hire. Cut by the bar takings that go straight back to the establishment and none to the band.… cut by the economics that says that after the pa hire, poster run, and venue hire are paid for they will have to sell their instruments to pay for the gig that was supposed to be wicked and instrumental.

After being bored for a few months driving te rapa and hanging out at beef eaters they then decide to get their reform… this time with a manager. They buy some crap guitars on trade me and again decide to relaunch themselves with a stage show and wide denim jeans.

The new manager is impressive at number crunching. She decides that for the band to make a buck, f or the band to pay for the gas from nawton to daggers bar in hoodwink st and pay for a new set of strings each…and pay for the freakin venue hire and the sound engineer, and 2 parcans, the band will set a cover charge of 16$ per head. The band concur. They all passed school c economics. They agree.. a musical revolution is imminint…

On a late Friday night the band play a rockin set of rock that rocks. Its old school. Hard and memorable like the ranfurly shield. Its storming chord progressions spark off lyrical gems and something new is born.

Unfortunately, no one is there to hear it. what is the sound of no punters clapping?

The datsuns blame their naff name, the daggers extravagant room hireage and the fact there was no naked girl on the poster. Refusing to be humiliated by asking their parents for loans everytime they want to play a gig they give up dreams of NME journalistic saliva frothing and touring the states and stop playing their own stuff.

They download the tabs for ricky martin and maroon 5 songs and learn ‘play that funky music’. They play Thursday through Saturday in a dull bar singing a impotent version of Victoria onVictoria st.

Bands like:

The Shrugs
The Clerics
Amy Racecar
This Night Creeps
St Lucy, Radiator
Aether
Disjecta Membra
Mobile Stud Unit
Cosmik Ska Child
Rumpus Room
Daisy Chain Halo
Yokel Ono
Rose Petals & Confetti
Date Month Year
Frogletter
Johnny Fist
Gadget Goose
The Caledonia
The Crazy 88

… are currently in the same dire circumstance. They can’t get a gig that pays a buck..

Why is that??

a) the bands are too crap ?? not true.

It is because live original music has suffered warehouse -isatiion. If I see a pair of jandals for $ 15.00 I laugh …..knowing that I can get the same pair for a ridiculous $4.50 at the warehouse. The warehousation effect is what makes people laugh at a cover charge. They laugh at 5$ and think what they could get at the warehouse for that. The 5$ which will not even pay the room hire at daggers bar on hoodwink st. and daggers aren’t the only ones……

wot is the answer? Do we care….? Is Hamilton to be a cultural wasteland where the local scene is colonized by sad plastic covers bands or the womb of a thriving industry of experimenting original musicians?

Hamilton musicians need some solidarity. A united front who through collective enterprise can make a few things happen. And as we speak musicians in hamilton east and west, in Melville and Fairfield, even in Glenview, are plotting the overthrow of the 3 TRAVESTIES of the hamiltron music scene

a dispassionate audience
a dispossessing venue policy
and a dysfunctional publicity machine…

but The winds of change are howling… the liberation of school music rooms is now in progress… stay tuned…. Honest dave will bring you more as it pans out… the revolution is now. May the datsuns’ eptitaphs not read..THANK GOD WE WEREN’T BORN IN HAMILTRON

this weekend..Vote Hamilton music…and the sohl bar

you’ve been listening to honest dave’s rant on the generator…

The leaders debate

The leaders debate. Last night. State television.

I just loved helen’s eye liner….the blue Revlon 7.2 eyeliner…stunning.… My 4 year old daughter really works some magic with the eye liner, but Helen last night took it to a new level. What eye liner did for marilyn manson’s career has obviously been analysed by the election wizards in the labour camp and I suggest it might be a coup that surpasses george speight’s attempt. I mean ….. I thought it really worked. Can I say on public radio that helen looked hot. she looked good – hot red jacket and all…

And I mean that with all the respect that can be respected for the prime minister of aotearoa…
I mean, they cant give her voice liner obviously… she still had that menacing tone of I eat rotweillers for breakfast, if she was a spice girl than she’d be scary spice for sure, and when she clears her throat you kind of wince….. and I was really surprised that any of the politicians last night had the testicles to try and talk over her…. That takes real courage. …but the eyes… she was glam in a reserved gary glitter style that said I am hip, here I stand and I can do no other …I have my well manicured electoral finger on the pulse..

And the hair??? I think it was a good hair night quite frankly. It was suave and a little saucy. Not the standard watties tomato sauce though…. The hair delivered…. It had panache and bounce and a silky sheen that combined with that fabulous eye liner made the blessed voice of the clarkmeister somehow golden. Hair, eyeliner and student loans – victory combo!! National party might have the exclusive brethren… but watching Helen last night and the impressive handiwork of the weta workshop signatured all over her…… when is the media going to start berating the labour campaign for that????

And we needn’t have worried that Winston will hold the balance of power this election. His performance last night was a tour de force in how to stroke your ego so vigourously that it became in fact masturbation. Censorship was needed. Winston’s self love was so embarrassing, his self importance so domineering, his self inflicted pompous rhetoric so grandiose he talked up him self out of his seat, and the whole new Zealand party out of the whole freakin lounge suite. Winston is out of the house as fast as a new Orleans citizen can say im not black or hispanic and I have my own transport thank you very much in the wake of hurricane Katrina. He’s gone. Winston is out of there…There is now only standing room only in the new Zealand party.

Rodney hide should exercise his individual personal freedom and run and hide. It’s the final act. In fact he was so rancid, so Rodney hide that he was Rodney hid!

Peter dunne – captain sensible. Said sensible things. Jeanette fitzsimmons – marijuana (suck) isn’t (suck) a (suck) crime
(suck) issue… nice tinnies around her neck.

Jimmy anderton - loved that story about the haka how race relations is all about how all new Zealanders can do the haka. If only eva rickard had known that story she wouldn’t have had to strap herself to the raglan golf course. Such a waste. Jimmy is Captain unsensible.

Pita sharples. Casual dresser.

The good doctor Brash. Tax cuts, tax cuts, tax cuts, tax cuts, tax cuts etc etc etc etc Brash hasn’t yet made love to the camera.

I was concerned however that Hamilton, the obvious answer to solving auckland’s congestion issue wasn’t addressed. Nor was the serious issue of a youth justice borstal for 8 young crims in hillcrest thrown about. I would have liked to have heard rodney’s view on these issues…. Sadly, we probably never will…

You’ve been listening to doctor honest dave on the generator…

Winston Peters...

Good morning listeners…

I love elections. It’s Winston time. Its quality Winston time. The king pin. The king maker is back. The Liberace of politics comes out on stage… its show time. I love it….

And I have to tell you … that billboard of him and the little ripples of surf. It’s a political postcard. it just tickles me..and as pictures say a thousand words I will tell you know what the bill board is trying to say to honest dave.

If nz first is trying to relate to Hamiltonians like us, the campaign has sadly missed the boat. If Winston had ever been to visit the many tourist attractions of Hamilton like…um……….. the Hamilton rose gardens he would know that there is no salt water in Hamilton. Us Hamiltonians do not surf locally. We do not leave home and come back in 10 minutes with snapper for the family frypan. No one in Hamilton has suffered a shark attack or the rub of a jelly fish. If anything, winston’s campaign is subtle mock of Hamilton and it’s isolation from the sea, a new Zealand party in house, laugh at the inlanders, tauranga is on the coast, we are the power brokers etc etc. its really just childish and cheap and I’m surprised Rodney hide missed some mileage there.

Somedays the billboard makes me want to get in my Toyota and whip over the kaimai’s and look for anyone in a pin stripe suit who looks too smug and tell him on behalf of Hamilton citizens everywhere that Hamilton is where it happens and that we have a town and the river runs through it and we are damn proud of it even though we cant boogie board it….. and we are quite happy with that and I’ll tell him he can shove his tidal, salty, unfresh water and all the pipis that go with it, right down the small gullets of the full membership of grey power.

What is Winston doing on the beach anyway?? I do think it’s ill advised and quite insensitive to Hamiltonians, as well as surviving victims of the recent tsunami….. but that’s just my honest opinion.

Maybe the billboard is a nod to the foreshore debate. The billboard says to me:

here I , Winston peters, kind of sort of stand, on the foreshore belonging to all new zelanders, and even though I might raise the heels of my well polished shoes to the surge of maori renaissance (that’s the water), note that my heels are raised and they shall sink back deeper in to the sands of nz foreshore for all new Zealanders shouting long live captain hobson and ideologies of ‘we are all one’. I’m on the beach wearing a suit and smart shoes but I shall not be moved, thank you very much media spotlight.

Or maybe its more of a subtle message.

Winston on the beach with small waves looks like, just at the crucial click of the camera, he’s smelled some pootang on his shoes. He has a keen sense of smell old Winston – is the smell on his heel the classic beach dog turd of a Labrador? Or is it more the smell of rampant immigration rising from the, as-pictured, definitly –soiled- by -asian boat-people-who –have- no –right- to -refugee status- water that so offends the Winston nostrils?? Wasn’t he on talk back this week claiming the new all black haka was a clear sign of immigration policy gone wrong in this country???

I think it sends mixed messages to kids too. It says yes be sun smart, cover up on the beach, wear a suit if poss…. But it doesn’t really look like he’s at the beach to push play for 30 minutes. Nor is he heel raising between the flags…

He does want our party vote though… so maybe the billboard is a clue… nz party is offering a beach party…. Maybe the barbe and sausages were cropped out of the shot.

If you could bottle the karma of the Winston than I’d sure hope the mrs would buy me some for fathers day…… he’s got more staying power than Viagra..

We love you Winston.

This has been another honest political broadcast by honest dave on the generator..