katie holmes prime tv

Katie holmes….
Katie holmes’
Katie holmes
Why for art though engaged?

To tom
Tom who?
Tom who ?
Tom who?

You want a cruise
Well I’ve got wheels
It may be imported Japanese
But I could be your main squeeze

You want a cruise
I got a Toyota, I could be your Toyota boy toy boy
I got a Toyota with a motor
You want a cruise
I got a Toyota camry 1991
White, 5 door family wagon
Tyres from budget tyres on greenwood st
Worth jack
no stereo

But I got a Toyota with a motor baby

Katie holmes your prime tv
Katie holmes your prime tv
Katie holmes you and me

Im not even sure tom cruise is his real name
Are you sure Katie?
What is his springsteen brilliant disguise?
What is his ruse that he should call him self cruise?
Is he taking you for a ride my pretty?
Does he really cruise like a missile?
Or cruise luxury liner?
Or does he cruise in the harsh light of middle age like a brown75 healing cruiser with a chopper guard and a flat tyre?


C’mon my honey
How does he cruise Katie?
How does he cruise Katie?
What is his ruse Katie?

Is the cruiser not a bruiser Katie?
Will he make your brown eyes blue
Will you be the sad rabbit like in watership down
And force art garfunkel to sing ‘brown eyes’
In your honour?
How does he cruise Katie?
You and your high heels
your tyres smoke and peel
How do his wheels spin your wheels baby

Don’t forget Katie
I’ve got a Toyota with a motor
I got a Toyota, I could be your Toyota boy toy boy
I got a Toyota with a motor

Tom who?

Katie, Katie
My phobia is your utopia
My phobia is your utopia
How could this be so?

Tom who?
Tom cruise
A snake like a cobra
Features on oprah
And like a czech man driving a skoda
Speaks of love and tenderness
And in front of a live tv audience
Gushing floods of passion
While his skin sheds and changes fashion
He slithers Katie in his sights
While moody blues play nights in white satin
and in that moment,
I am cold and still


………And im ill as I watch
Watching tv with an ouch
See a grown man jump on a couch
As honestly as honest dave can
Watching something beautiful
And truthful
Clean and pristine
Favourably comparably nice as my wife
Katie holmes Katie queen
In front of a live tv audience
Scored, clawed
Hot and shot
Torn mercilessly
By a tom cat holding a smoking top gun

I throw a grenade
And blow up my tv
I lock myself up for self harm wont help
And crys and weeps and moans
By the shrine of miss holmes
When you hear from the wall of the next door flat
That the little man with the silly grin
The tom of tom.com
Feels young again even though he is old and sold
He has begun the open cast mining of the heart of the holmes
Up dawson’s creek without a hassle
For she is grossly intomscicated
And she has been since she was 4
And somewhere over paris she will pledge
Herself to him and swear

And I swear too
…………….And I am now a time bomb
For a I had sent katie a letter
A scented letter I had sent her
For worser or better
And told her that I had a toyota with a motor
Told her that I had a toyota with a motor
And could take her for a cruise if she should only choose

And I open my ranch slider
And ask the outsider
A bmx rider called Ralph schneider
why it is that hitler should have left
The Eiffel tower standing

For on this tower
now is the hour
after 49days public relations
one bad actor who’s a good scientologist
A little man with a silly grin
Who after mimi and nicole got the flickture
Pops the question and pops my bubble,
And he said, she said ‘she does and will’
She disses the dick and the harry
And decides ill advisedly to marry
And Tom takes katie’s hand
And formalises another wifely fixture
While a tourist steals his picture

But Katie Katie dear
In all truth not slanted
It is to your esteemed advantage
To listen to this rant to save yourself carnage

There’s still time
you can break it off like a bad cough

Tom is not really race car driverTom does not fly war planes upside down
Dear, he is not really even a samurai warrior

But he is this – tom cruise you are dead to me…
Katie holmes you are prime tv



You have been listening to honest dave’s obsession on the generator

Jackson Rant

The reading for today comes from the book of Jackson, from a very strange testament. and verily \Michael looked at the camera, and spoketh directly pitching his voice high said “I love children and my heart shares with a love that shares its bed”

The king of pop recently made media history by making such a statement on television and seemed to suggest that to share his bed with a child is as normal and caring as sharing your bus seat with a senior citizen. Unfortunately he made this statement forgetting to do the moon walk, and so without a dazzling dance display the audience could only focus on what the king of pop man said. Which was unfortunate for him. Michael would do well to learn the lesson of talking less and moon walking more. Also Unfortunate for him, television stations could not cut to any 30 million dollar, 39foot statue of himself being towed down a barge on the river thames. There was no distraction people…no white glove, no hair on fire, no daughter of elvis, no moonwalk, no statue.. He said it. he likes sleepovers… with boys. Word. On film. Categorical.

In retrospect it was maybe just as well Jackson failed his Hi 5 audition instead becoming a member of the little known Jackson 5 instead. that was very lucky for aussie boys and Ayers rock. Never land would have looked a bit funny in the aussie outback next toAyers rock. And imagine… you’d have ended up with lindy chamberlain screaming feverishly in the middle of the night with a wild flashlight howling ‘ a jacko’s got my 12 year old baby’. That would have been poor.

And, You’d think that if Michael was going to have kids over for a gunny time of childhood action then you’d think he’d roll out the pepsi cola, sing a bit of playstation singstar , moonwalk, play pin the nose on me and say watch me do the moon walk again. Now that would have been an ok to fair sleepover. Sadly though I cant really be sure; Honest dave never had a childhood due to my cruel stern father homeschooling me with a rigorous schedule of pre pubescent rant writing from the age of 4.

But that sounds like an ok sleep over ….but why, why did uncle michael have to come up with the ‘share the bed’ policy.

Did he put ‘thriller’ up on the plasma screen for a nice bed time video with hot milk AND ZOMBIES? Does he not remember that if he only left the lights on in the kids room then they wouldn’t have been scared of the ghosts and jumped from the matresses? Does he not know that all kids fears can be dealt to with a flick of a switch, with or without a moonwalk, and a 100 watt bulb??

I think Mr Jackson was stretching it a little to suggest the sharing of the bed is the kernal, the very moi, for the brotherhood of world peace. Not so. Mankind down this path is a sure walk through the bloodied graveyard of dead shared bed militants who couldn’t agree on choice of duvet cover AND pillow slips. Wot? Is there no plunket nurse in America??

And what about scabies. Scabies is not scratch and win. A shared bed makes a bed plague out of bed play. Dangling babies ok, but dangling tangling, scabies. No way. not good. No sirree

So Good night Michael. May your recording career now be mute so as to keep pure the delicious 80’s vinyl that remaineth.

And as for me and glen and george thorogood – we sleep alone..
You have been listening to honest dave’s morning rant on the generator.

Cafe's in the 'Tron suck

Wellington

Just got back from Wellington

I love wellington. Honest dave was born in Johnsonville for goodness sake. Wellington, though ritually abused by weather systems, even with a fountain with red and yellow and blue buckets in cuba st, it seems a city that has a soul…..

Of course, any citys temperature can only be gained by the willful insertion of a thermometer reamed into the backside cafes of the urban streets. And so I traversed my favourite haunts in Wellington in honour of the goood queens birthday ….thermometer in hand…

In Hamilton, Richard obrian, in his alter ego Riff raff might now be encased in BRONZE celebrating the heritage of the musical mastermind and his rocky achievement, but listeners why did he have to skip Hamilton to write the sucker???

Why? Well, honestly, Where could he go? And where could any latter day Richard obriens go to sketch a work in progress, to discuss whether it should be a jump to the left or how frank to make franknfurter? Indeed, Which café in Hamilton would be congenial to such a PERSOn ?

Why is there a wretched dearth of any café that boasts a charming, relaxed impoverished flat lounge feel that the capital city relishes… the tron’s café’s have a clean, antiseptic mix of new paint and plush vinyl slash leather. Coffee is the naff paint of choice which explains everything..
In all of them you could imagine one don brash, posing with a moccachino, without a hint of an incongruous background. Our cafes are forgettable. our cafes are haunted by ghosts of power point demonstrations past. I would like to see more cockroaches in hamiltons cafes….they all seem a little cold, overated with concrete, clean lined, halogen lit, and spatially defined. In fact I would go so far as to label our coffee houses sterile. I suspect Che Guevara would have shunned all watering holes and in disgust found his refuge in ‘6 feet under’ to plan his communist overthrow.

In Wellington there are cafes that feel Marxist, earthy, soft seated, warm as an open fire,, postered and sellotaped, multiple piercing friendly, mung beaned, more rastifarian than totalitarian, and cater for a vision of coffee drinking that is blatantly social rather than catering for careerism and property development. It just smells different.. it has a dynamism within its own walls… The music is loud and the place flares your nostrils..

The crux is that the people within the walls are some how allowed to shine as fine art themselves. the people are inspired to rule, and not whisper politely. a Café experience as fertile womb is yet to be conceived in south hamiltron to our city’s detriment.

I don’t want to throw my phone, or start a ‘bring back pigeons crusade’, but is it too hard to wonder if we could have a café in Hamilton that gathers artists and poets and musicians and designers and people that wear headphones and skateboards and cardigans and make a place for like minds to create and discourse and share humanity. we lack spaces that would, by the mere state of it’s shagged carpet, cracked plaster, anti-bourgeious décor and lack of well placed indoor plants inspire sentiments of revolution., or at least celebrate the weirdness of being human for which james k Baxter said there is no cure.

Viva le wellington

AND Lets, now conclude with a 10 second silence for Katie Holmes.

(SILENCE)

You’ve been listening to honest dave on the generator!

BOB

Bob.

Bob…

There is no cooler name than bob. Bob is the bizzle. I would have loved my honest parents to call me honest bob


IN TERMS OF BOBS THAT HAVE BEEN GIFTED TO THE WORLD, IF YOU WERENT BORN BOB DYLAN, BOB MARLEY OR SIDESHOW BOB, mr bob dobalina, THEN BEING THE 5th BEST BOB IN THE WORLD, MR BOB GELDOF, ISNT TOO SHABBY.

BOB GELDOF BrOUGHT THE WORLD LIVE AID IN 1985. raising millions for hungry people and comfortable African despots. 20 YEARS LATER HE’S DOING IT AGAIN. WHICH IS FINE…… IM ALWAYS A FAN FOR A SAUSAGE SIZZLE OUTSIDE THE WAREHOUSE, AND IM ALWAYS KEEN FOR 3 APPLE PIES FOR 5 BUCKS ON BEHALF OF FAIRFIELD KINDERGARTEN, AND I LOVE A GOOD TELETHON SO THAT KIDS OF NEW ZEALAND CAN PLAY UKELELE.

I HOLD BOB GELDOF IN GREAT ESTeem.

Firstly, he admitted in his autobiography, ‘is that it’, that he was an auto masturbator. Compulsive he said. Not something I would put in print. Neither confirm or deny I say.

Secondly, he was moved to tears watching a somalian famine of biblical proportions on tv. and decided to make some phone calls and book wembly stadium. Gutsy.

thridly, IN 85 HE PUT LIVE AID AMERCIA ON IN PFILADLEPHIA AND refused to put america’s worst act the GRATEFUL DEAD ON THE STAGE, restricted BILLY OCEAN, … TO 2 NUMBERS, AND IF IT WASN’T FOR THE UNRELIABILTY OF THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE, THE british airways CONCORDE couriing PHILL COLLINS between the continenents MIGHT NEVER HAVE BEEN SEEN AGAIN. The US show wasb pretty good ….. until ron wood and keith Richards played acoustic guitars like spazzies and an incoherent Dylan nearly lost his bobginity.

I hold bob geldof in great esteem, though I am troubled that a monster benefit gig is an idea that was hip in 85 and maybe not so in 2005. lets be brutally honest.. that latest nostalgic rendition of ‘will we ever know what geldof was freakin thinking Christmas do they know etc’ was
decidedly Indonesian in its verdict. It’s release welcomed like bird flu itself. bad

In the same vein that George lucas should be had up for film crimes after the prequels killed the good rep of hans and luke and r2d2. likewise I fear a live aid rerun risks being soft nostalgic lameness that will taint sir bob.

Two words in last nights hearld may lose geldof his bobginity. Mariah Carey …… May be Bob was thinking if the English can accept a married camila, maybe Mariah carey has latent good will in the community. An Optimistical illusion I suspect. I wont be setting the video for the Mariah segment just quietly. What was BOB thinking…ok, we want millions in hyde park… lets put Mariah first up in the press release ..yeah good idea bob.

And if shapelle corby is shunning family and friends it can only be that she is in a good place on learning that the SPICE girls are reforming.

Still if sir bob can awaken a global collective conscience, and muster its distant cousin compassion for a family reunion by getting 8 powerful people to cut the heavy, heavy ‘agro afro’ of debt in Africa so that 50, 000 africans don’t die every day then I raise my guiness and dance without moving my arms.

DO IT BOB…if only to raise the stakes in caring for our brothers and sisters. In nz, poverty reduction currently looks like this: …. You want my old nokia bro…s’got a charger. Txts ok…. Nah free bro.

You’ve been listening to honest dave on the generator…