#81 more I hate inxs and RIP Lange!

good mornings people....

the cd release of HONEST DAVE VOL 1 is only hours away...... this is more exciting than a paper clip on trade-me, and i know you will have your credit cards at the ready....

in the meantime... a rant:

… ….. I still, I still can not get my head around it. my head is not that big, my nose is quite big though true, but getting my head and nose round the inxs show is quite some feat. Rockstar Inxs. Its something frightening and I feel unclean. What do us taxpayers pay our chief censor to do in this country????

I have renamed the band as an act of protest. They have rogered themselves. collectively they are now known as ‘inxsrogered’. they are now in the same league as the teletubbies. I will smash my inxs records with a hammer though not my eastwing because my east wing hammer is sacred.

Is our world so soiled, so rotten, so jaded, so full of vice and greed that a band could so violate themselves, and all they represent for the vultures of reality tv? I today Today, and from this day forward they shall not be called musicians but be called ‘telewhores’, crass, ill
witted, hagged has been hookers with bad hair. The debt they now owe society is now fathomless.

Wot are they thinking? Was their nana’s outfit at their twenty firsts insufficient embarrassment? Did they not do stink class speeches in the fourth form?? did they not shy at having raging acne before the school ball?, - why ? why? the show is not even a fundraising event for the Sudanese or for Rwanda or Ethiopia for petes sake. It’s nothing… just schlock mock rock.

Do these ex band members of inxsrogered have children?? Do they not care for their offspring who have to endure humiliation/ridicule week after week in their respective communities and places of employment ??

And while inxsrogered still continue to relieve themselves on the grave of the late Michael hutchence …us viewers at home all hold hands, cross fingers and pray that jessica makes it to the top job in fronting inxsrogered.

David lange passed away this week. Petrol rose another 4 freakin cents, but at the pump this week I just smiled and paid my respects to david. Yes, petrol will rise and fall but david will not rise again. The big man has gone.

David lange made being a prime minister look easy like a Sunday morning. he had a stapled stomach with a mouth that would not fit between any stapler and a non stapled set of lungs to power it. A brief word to him was recorded as ‘wombat’. Imagine john campbell asking david what he thought of ‘inxs rockstar’. Im sure david would have made some deft quip of merit….. and probably in agreement with honest dave.

Mr lange was not an all black. Did not play npc. Did not make even the odd club match. Did not even clean his boots for the otahuhu school first fifteen. Sadly, in his day there was no high school sumo wrestling of which he might have very well been a champion. No, mr lange did not climb mt everest. He was not an Olympian anything… but he could talk. No, he didn’t talk he spoke…eloquently …and like a spoked wheel he rolled with the punches and up hills

I vividly remember him standing up in a cheesy black suit debating the nuclear free policy. He was a man with vision and had the voice to deliver it. and the collective pride in this man who so masterly crafted word and thought and deed was tangible in this country….no mean feat.

He will be remembered for his statesmanship, as a wordsmith, but maybe more for the empathy for the disadvantaged displayed in his electorate and beyond.

you've been listening to honest dave on the generator...

dave

highway one to ak

One of the great rites of passage for all Hamiltonians growing up in this fair town is to navigate the illustrious highway one to Auckland. Forget the train through the swiss alps…. The tarseal near the mighty waikato is the shizzel even in drizzle..

Sadly, Many travelers don’t come back once having made this trip. Many never return. Many wash their hands of the waikato basin, they come down the bombays, weaseled by the sky tower, they strap into the promised land like jewish people before the bulldozers turned up to tell them they were mistaken and it was just the gaza strip and not the promised land.

Honest dave has made3 trips to Auckland this week. A sense of nostalgic arousal even overcomes me when I get past the burger king gatekeeper of terapa, search the hakamarata horizon and wind down the window and ride the clutch all the way to greenlane roundabout, maybe get off at symonds st, though others prefer fort st for that……or sometimes I even go further. Sometimes I go all the way, take it to the bridge and make it to the north shore….

The best part is always the embarrassment of the stinkin horotu meat works. ….. I always find it uncomfortable when you have a backpacker from germany in the front seat, sniff a little, assumes you have passed wind, becomes restless as he seeks fresh air whislt in the corner of my eye I see my passenger looking in that my- grandfather- served- for-the-third reich- in-the- second- world- war- and- did- you- just- drop-your-guts- you-svine-hoont-right -here –right- now-look… as you sail past the affco factory of farm animal dismemberment…

There’s so many fabulous tourist photo opportunities along the way…

The prime ministers motorcade of incredible speed just could not have happened on this road. Helen would have to have snatched the Polaroid for sure…

No.1 … the ngarwahia township shop roller door murals. It’s an underated work that really deserves to be recognized. I guess after the artists death we will celebrate the work preserving them as nz icons, graphic symbols of the social cost of the 1984 labour government. People will bid for them on trade me and be so gagging for the ‘buy now’ option that new Zealand art collectors will break the keys on their laptops.

No 2. Tuaragawaewae, the crown marae of the taunui people, the palace of the queen…. A stones throw of the main track and still king george’s rail cart with shiny knives and forks could not stop for a hangi with the maori queen on the way to Wellington …

No. 3 The Taupiri maunga in all its spiritual richness reaches out of the fog of an august morning, the mountain of the tainui. In the 1800’s the colonial roading dept made such a sensitive attempt to embrace maori kaupapa that they put the main road, and the national railway right slap bang beneath it. I suspect Maori collectively felt like Mrs Shane Warne.

But then none of this cultural empathy was part of my psyche as a kid riding in the golden calf… the gold holden station wagon on lpg with cranking 20 watts of alpine per channel which strode out on a Friday night to take in the sights sounds and songs of the rocky horror show at the Avondale picture theatre…..

No. 4 no road trip is worthy without refreshments, the oasis of pokeno looms Hokey pokeno! I miss pokeno…amd all its licking icecream ation. even if you didn’t stop for a double cone or one of the 7 death wish pedestrians stalled on the centre line, pokeno had a vibe. It’s a shame..to see it just a motor way exit…

And then it’s to the big lights and carbon dioxide of queen st after midnight…

Nice place to visit, but the magic is always in the ride…

You’ve been listening to honest dave’r rant sponsored by transit new zeland. On the generator…

Troy Flavell comeback

Reality tv……

Mr troy flavell ex all black hard man has been send ing graham henry love letters from japan. Flavell was in town this week to play some footy and footsy, the footsy to be with graham henry under the all black negotiating table. Troy, who has a well documented fetish for putting his fingers in eyeballs and sprigs in heads is apparently gagging for a chance to be taken seriously by the all black coach. Yes liseteners Troy tarantino flavell on the comeback trail….

Being a person of much sympathy I called up Troy on Wednesday night, cos my wife thinks he’s hot and would definetly watch the games if they brought back her ‘troy boy’ as she calls him, anyway… to cut a very long story short.. I called him up cos he’s a relation of the mrs from up north. And anyway… I said to troy… you want to learn a fing or two and watch this program call ‘rockstar inxs’.

Troy said wot the !… and I said .. easy cowboy…

So I said to him in the nicest possible way, whilst wearing goggles and head gear, that 80’s rock band inxs and you troy flavelll are both has beens. Has beeeeen.

Troy didn’t like that very much, so I just said I have witnessed many ridiculous suprising events in my life… my mountain buggy baby stroller tyre blew up once on corner of heaphy terrace veral street, the new warehouse store at the base, and the chiefs cheerleaders at rugby park and not to forget my daughters birth beside a toilet on a sand pit cover. but more ridiculous, troy I said mate…m ore ridiculous than weapons of mass anything in iraq is rockstar inxs. He being from japan was not savvy.

I gave him the facts straight:….but im sure he thought I was talking bollocks I said to him….

Aussie rock band inxs, are looking for a new front person to front their band.

On tv

Infront of millions of tv viewers…

All members of the band are seen on tv.

They play , they judge, they seem older but not mentally ill, no catheters, they seem coherent incharge of their faculitie and not taking the proverbial piss. They are serious.

The contestants are filmed in their mansion. Some have names like Brandon and Ty.

Dave Navarro…….and I said to troy..Im sorry troy…. This hurts me bruv… dave Navarro.. guitar god..of janes addiction and the chillis… is a host/. A host troy…

Troy asked why the band just didn’t invite the cameras in to film all of them relieving themselves on Michael hutchence grave ?

I said to troy that I wasn;t finished and that females like daphna, heather and dana were trying out for the front persons role. Are you still there troy I said..

I said there is nothing sacred. Troy said nothing is sacred… he said nothing is sacred, especially eyeballs……and that if he ever meet the show’s producer he’ll be fully rucked up he said…

I reminded him of his luck with sanzar judiciary . I said in the days when fair dinkum rockstars inxs with a respected body of work torture the reputation of their former friend and singer on the rack of a ‘reality tv show’ it shows that nothing is sacred and maybe it shows too that we can all live forever…and that dreams never fade and we can all be popular and fame can never be crushed.

Troy warmed to my thoughts…

The rest of the conversation between mr flavell and mr honest dave is unfortunately confidential due to contractual obligations and can not be broadcast on air.

But people…. And troy has signed up just quietly… On your screens in august … adidas have sponsored the first ‘BACK IN ALL BLACK COMEBACK REALITY TV SPECIAL’ back in all black comeback reality tv special… hosted by billy bush and a sports celebrity with name suppression, produced by graham henry … troy flavell needs your votes people…

And Michael… try to rest in peace my man.

You’ve been listening to honest dave’s Friday rant on the gernerator.. this and every Friday round 9.30…